


Every "Self-Aware" Self Insert Fic Ever

by AzureAceStarburst7



Category: Fucking ALL OF THEM - Fandom, Harry Potter - Fandom, Naruto, Pokemon, Probably also - Fandom, RWBY, Sonic the Hedgehog - Fandom, Steven Universe - Fandom, all of them - Fandom
Genre: A Rare Good Self-Insert, Gen, Haha wow so deep, Rationalist, Rationalist Fiction, Satire, Self-Insert, Written by someone that knows what satire is, good self-insert, rational
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-20 11:36:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8247332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AzureAceStarburst7/pseuds/AzureAceStarburst7
Summary: All of them





	

This is the life of either a bland, generic loser or an infuriatingly smug idiot that thinks sarcasm is cruise control for cool _and_ intelligence. Blah blah generic bland boring person's life blah.

AND THEN DISASTER STRIKES, like suicide or car crashes or plane crashes

And then BOOM, I meet the main characters of the verse I just forced my brilliantly witty self into, and give a fake name if necessary. Maybe I'll lie hilariously badly, and they'll buy it! Maybe I'll let the lie drop, admit I'm from another world, and act like this is the most shocking thing ever! I'm going to commit the Cardinal Sin (What is it with pretentious pricks and the concept of sin?) of doing something none of the children I enjoy mocking have ever done before!

Oh noes, I, the character, have realized I'm in a fanfic! A self-insert fanfic! Because why get shocked over appearing in a new world when you can remember this is just like a terrible fanfic! Why get shocked at realizing the world of Remnant or Equestria is real in this dimension when I can instead make the leap in logic to fanfic land? Will I adapt to the new world after wangsting about my old life for a while and dicking on fics that don't have wangst and more wangst than mine, because I believe my amount of wangst is perfect? You bet! 

But oh noes, I'm so fat and slow and unathletic! Me am nerdy, and everyone knows nerds are unathletic, that's what tv taught me! I can't run ten feet, let alone swing a sword or win a fight or impress my waifu! Bloo hoo hoo! I'm so uncool and lame! Please pity me and laugh at me and how awkward and shitty and talentless I am! Remember, This Loser Is You!

Am I the Chosen One? Maybe! Maybe I'm a really shitty Chosen One, or maybe I suck because I'm not the Chosen One. 

Now it's time to break the fourth wall! A lot! Maybe my attempts to pull off unrealistic moves the heroes can do will result in serious injury! Because if that tired old gag gets imaginary laughter whenever Family Guy does it, it'll get imaginary laughter when I do it. Like snapping my neck when I try a Sonic Spindash in the Sonic world, that'll be automagically funny! Also, perhaps I'll meet a generic girl OC whose only traits are being female, not being a "girly" girl, liking me, and getting mad if I do anything stupid straight out of a godawful stereotypical inaginary harem anime, like letting stupid misunderstandings go unexplained or accidentally peeping on her in the shower/hot springs. Maybe she'll hit me a few times, or kick me in the nuts, for comedy! That's TOTALLY not unfunny!

Wait, um... meeting a hot girl that is nice to me and living in an exciting world that hands adventure to my shitty self totally isn't my secret fantasy! This isn't a shitty wish-fulfillment self-insert fic, this is a satire of those, I swear! IT'S SATIRE! Look, I just hurt my hero again! PLEASE THINK I'M IMPRESSIVE AND COOL!!!

Hey, look! I gave my character a godly broken open-ended ability like Hogwarts Magic (with the few limits in play ignored because limits get in the way of power and me am rationalist) or Shadow Clones or a literal Green Lantern Ring/variant of a Green Lantern Ring or a Devil Fruit power/Semblance! LOOK AT ALL THE SMART USES FOR THIS ABILITY I CAME UP WITH! I spend at least six hours a day fantasizing about what I'd do with a Green Lantern Ring with limits removed that can do anything because ME AM SMART, look at all the clever stuff I'm showing you! Dumb kids on fanfic.net would never come up with anything as smart as this, right? Right? Of course I'm right, me am smart. After all, look how dumb the characters are besides me and the designated evil genius I'm going to outsmart by trying to copy Death Note and failing!

Oh no, monsters! Monsters are attacking!

SECRET EDGY NO SYMPATHY DEVIL TRIGGER SUPER SAIYAN MODE ENGAGED! Smash smash smash! Chaos Blast! RULES OF NATURE!

Yes, I have saved the day! Or cowered in a corner like a bitch while the day is saved for me by the actual heroes. OMG, THAT'S EVEN MORE PATHETIC AND LAME, WHICH MEANS IT'S UNLIKE THE CINOS THE EDGEHOG FANFICS I HATE, WHICH MEANS IT'S GOOD! OMG THAT'S UNLIKE EVERY SE FIC EVER, SO METAAAA

...Wait, no, that isn't right! I forgot to stop every seven sentences and pause the story and narrative and flow remind readers that I'm TOTALLY NOT A MARY SUE and I'm TOTALLY A SMART PERSON AND NOT A KID! I'M NOT A DUMB KID WRITING A SE FIC BECAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW ANY BETTER, I'M A MATURE FULLY-GROWN ADULT CHOOSING TO IRONICALLY WRITE A SE FIC TO SEEM SMART, BECAUSE I'M NOT MAKING THOSE MISTAKES THOSE IMAGINARY KIDS MADE! DICKING ON IMAGINARY KIDS MAKES ME FEEL SECURE AND COOL! Did I mention I just decided random things I don't like are mistakes- no, sorry, cardinal sins in my head? Did I mention me am smart? Because I am just oozing smarticle particles. Now watch my "Smart" "Humor", also known as cheap and unfunny snark, impress all the braindead tardasses that frequent Fanfiction.Net, LessWrong, and whatever similar "Smart person forum" circlejerking echo chambers are out there. I'll insult everything around me, think unfunny snarky thoughts, fail the simplest of tasks for "Comedy", REFERENCE. FUCKING. ALL THE MEMES, reference the existence of ships, act like the annoying "Smart" prick that won't shut up sitting next to you in the theatre and constantly making shitty "Quips" to feel smart... and I'll either waste time in boring and wasted scenes of shopping or have all my clothes magically given to me in treasure chests or laid out for me by the author- I mean, by a mysteeerious figure! I wonder why the author is stringing together this garbage- I mean, I wonder who is leaving things for me to find, and I wonder who sent me to the world of Beacon/Pokemon/Magical Britain/Equestria! And who is the mysterious figure creating conflict by trying to ruin things for me, the figure that could be anyone or an OC so the mystery is pointless? I'm sure the dumbasses on Fanfiction.Net and Fimfiction.Net and LessWrong.Com are loving this "mystery", this added "depth", and the feeling of feeling smart because you read a smart fic that calls the author and you smart and other fics and their readers garbage.

Because at the end of the day, that's all the Self-Aware Self Insert is. A stupid author trying to seem smart and impressive by attacking a strawman. Or rather, a straw child. Imagine an hour-long recording of a weak person beating up a pile of children's dolls, struggling to tear off heads and cut off arms even with scissors and teeth. It's pathetic, and not even remotely funny, interesting, intelligent, original, or entertaining. Then again, LessWrong pioneered this type of "Witty" "Rationalist" fiction, so that goes without saying.


End file.
